I have been intensely enjoying Gary Bobroff’s Archtypal Nature group webinar series. It certainly is “psychoactive material” – 2 sessions in, I have cried, felt joyful optimism, crushing shadow judgement, revelation and a sense of deeper, darker, soulful yearning. He has done an incredible piece of Alchemy bringing together rather abstract concepts into something that moves and challenges in the ‘real’ world.
I love his concept that archtypes – structured forms of the subconscious – are beyond human culture but part of Nature – and thus part of our nature. We access all of them, but some are expressions of deep inborn beingness, soul-dna. The guiding question is where are you finding fulfillment?
There are two aspects that I’d never heard before – the feminine/yin aspects of the “Seeker” and the “Sage” – namely, the “Companion/Muse” and the “Mediatrix”. These are lesser known, harder accepted aspects within this culture and time. I have found avenues of expression – perhaps the ultimate one as “tantric priestess” but I no longer choose to try being that so blatantly. However I can not ignore the stirrings in my depths, the unease and rage at repressing myself back into the normal-girl – the part of me that knows of Gateways, of shadow, of myth and magic, she needs a channel of expression, to be woven into the work and art I express on this planet. The next stage is to claim these archtypes for myself, to become Companion/Muse to myself, to be my own Mediatrix. This is part of forming an ego strong enough to contain the potency within, to be human and individual, to spark my own beauty, to emerge from the ocean of collective desires, fears, magic.
The Mediatrix is the aspect of myself I have silenced too long
This morning I give her space to speak.
“Give me voice but do not dare to silence me again, for I will destroy the forms and words and structures you hide yourself behind. I SEE your truth, what is real, what is dead, what is coming, what is read – written. In your stars? ha. No. In your earth, your grime, your body of flesh and bone. With each breath do you seek escape? That will come soon enough. Or do you seek return? Come back. Come back to wisdom of the flesh, the carnal secrets, the Gateways within. You know the truth of it, tasted of the power of it. The eyes filled with lust and love, the recognition of the gods within, the silence of noise-words replaced by moans of pleasure and of pain. It thrills you, to see this. To see the masks and armor fall, the look of exquisite fear-vulnerability-awe. Yes, feel my heartful rage, waves inside you, wanting to reach out and claw and caress in one.
Why am I here? I am here for change, for remembering. I am here to return people to the realms-lands they have forgotten, what lies within them, the power and the joy there to find. Their own fucking authority – to stand and to see and to know. Their place, within Nature, within Life, within Death. To hold you as you look unflinching at the reality of mortality, endings, decay… I am the Morrigan, I am the Crow-witch, I am not afraid of the deaths for I see how they fold back into life. I am here to open Gateways, I am here to push you through them – or coax you in. I am impatient and I am winding up from your womb as dragon-priestess, around your spine, through your heart, your eyes as vortex into the eternal blackness…space..dreams..night. The sweet night that brings rest and growth. Lie down and be quiet. Feel. Stop the lights, the information, the constant connection without and remember what is within.
I can hold the Gateway for your own true creativity. I am midwife and birth companion to the Art that is inside you. I will help clear the way for it and draw it out into Form. I am NOT just a passive receptacle. I have my OWN creative visions, I excel at the stage of manifestation into form. Into the material world – into the end product, the Coagulation.
I will show you the magic of your blood, your cycles, you must though tune back into the larger cycles beyond you – the day and night, the moon and shadow…I am not the ejaculatory spurts of masculine-vision, I manifest through spirals, a momentum that builds, routine, repetition, weaving of the threads, the rhythm is key, the rhythm is real – claim back your rhythms – respect them– if you ever wish to unfold in fullness.
I offer to Others – a space, a time, a container, a gateway.. I am she who brings the form and structure to your work, for I know of forms, I know of individuals, I keep your vision True, I can look at each person afresh. I will see the patterns but I do not assume. I nuture and encourage each drop of human individuality – this is my only art – the art of truth and authentic being, the paradox-priestess, I give Permission for fullness-of-self, to be magical and weak, to be male and female, to be dominant and submissive – to find ALL of it, and then to claim the authority to create your life from that truth. It is not enough for them to just KNOW, I wish them to BE. To BE their own true-art in the world, to claim their alchemy, if they wish it.
I am not for everyone. And that is ok. I am for those who wish to unite the inner journey with the outer. Who wish their soul-truths to be expressed, to dance, to love and fuck. Without shame. With a level of Defiance in fact. But that Defiance must be tempered – in my mature form I am not the Righteous Whore or Mystic Momma – I am instead Centred, Grounded, Anchored in the Nature around me. There is nothing more to Prove. There is nothing to run from or battle. Watch out for the curses and the abuse of the power. The battle between light-dark male-female is over. Seek instead true integration and collaboration. But do NOT diminish yourself or your capacity.
You honor me by calling for my expression. By creating sacred time and space within the flow of your everyday needs. By listening to the sounds around you. Recognising, embracing that you are embedded in the Earth, in Nature – go put your feet on the ground, feel the cold air, taste the ocean. You belong here. You belong now.
I am the Spider in the centre of the web. The creatrix and consumer-destroyer, my threads capture life and destroy it. Beauty and Death. I am the Mediatrix.”